My Story

Many of us think we don’t have a noteworthy testimony to share.  Perhaps we never went off the deep end or committed any great “sin” from which Jesus saved us.  However, as we grow in intimacy with Christ, we realize the true depravity of our condition apart from Him.  Our complete inability to save ourselves becomes apparent, and we understand we all have an extraordinary story to tell!

The true nature of sin runs much deeper than any thought, word, or action.  God’s original intention was to do life with us and to have unbroken fellowship.  The picture of the garden before the fall was exactly what He had in mind.  He desires to teach us everyday and to be our personal trainer.  He wants us to be completely dependent on Him for our very lives.  When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge, it represented a rejection of God’s authority, His Lordship, and His right to show them the way to live.  We understand our true sinful condition when we realize we all carry this desire and tendency to live independently.  We can’t be “good” enough to consider ourselves right with God.  It only comes through true surrendering to His Spirit and humility to let Him train us back into unbroken fellowship.

Which brings me to my own story. . . Graduation from High School was the moment of truth in my spiritual life.  I knew God well enough at that time to understand He had called me and had a plan for my life.  Like any child in faith, I didn’t know exactly what that looked like, but I had an inkling He was calling me into His service.  I could also hear the world calling with things like education, security, money, and recognition.  I chose Purdue Engineering to start my life.

Had I remained soft to God’s gentle correction, there would have been no harm done to my spiritual health.  However, I set my mind to my way and met the challenge of engineering with determination.  I heard the statistics of engineer dropouts, and especially women in engineering, and took on the attitude of “Oh yeah, I’ll show you!”  As time progressed, I simply ignored the feeling that something was dying inside.  I hadn’t just missed the mark, I was walking in complete opposition to what God desired for me!  My heart was shriveling, my spiritual life suffocating.

It’s interesting how a shroud of darkness covers us when we choose to go it alone in life.  Confusion, doubt and fear gained entrance and threatened God’s love and peace in my heart.  My path became unclear and I began to wonder where God was and what He was doing.  Fortunately for me, my physical health deteriorated before my heart completely hardened to God’s way for me.  Two and a half years later, my body gave out and completely stopped me.  I was back to square one.

As a result of rejecting God as Lord of my life, I believe He graciously lead me into a spiritual wilderness.  The Lord drew me out of this world and lulled me back into loving relationship with Him.  For a little over ten years, the Lord ministered to and healed my heart as I struggled with anxiety.  He replaced my thoughts with His and taught me to walk in a new way.  He used my anxiety to train me to flow with His Spirit!  Time after time, He addressed my fears and revealed His authority over this world.  He massaged my hardened heart and brought it back to life.  It wasn’t easy, but I promised Him I would allow him access, no matter how much it hurt.

The Lord has been leading me out of the wilderness and into a new life, a life more abundant (John 10:10).  This is a life filled with power from the presence of the Holy Spirit.  It is a life of freedom from the effects of sin and my flesh.  The heavy weight of duty and responsibility is lifting, and I am returning to the carefree child I had once been (Matt. 11:28-30).  This life is full of spiritual fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. . . you get it.  None of this comes from my own effort, it is simply a result of living the life God intended and allowing Him to replace my thoughts with His.  As I become increasingly aware of His presence and guidance, I naturally walk away from my human tendencies like fear, pride, selfishness and judgement.  God’s love, power, and authority pour out of me as I live in Christ, obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and surrender to His way.  This is a life that never stops growing, it is eternal.

I’m not perfect.  My fellowship with God is broken as I am distracted, discouraged, or tempted to do my own thing.  But our God is a loving and forgiving God, and every moment is a new moment.  Because of the cross, I have no past.  Today I choose to bow my head in submission and surrender to God’s authority over my life.  Today I choose life.

“Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts.” (Heb. 3:7-8a)