The Temptation of Knowledge

One of the most prized god in this earth is knowledge.  It was the cause for Adam and Eve to fall and remains a great stumbling block for us today.

It is out of His kindness that Jesus doesn’t always keep us in-the-know.

Jesus knew His destiny.  He knew He was to be beaten, despised, abandoned, abused, and brutally murdered.  This caused Him to experience the weakness of the flesh in the garden of Gethsemane.  I have heard that Jesus actually sweat blood.  He was experiencing the natural reaction of His human nature in those moments.  He said, “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.”  I believe this statement was not only an observation but a testimony.  He was on earth to obey God and He wasn’t going to fall into temptation.  He was to die on the cross according to God’s will, but His flesh was raging!  

I believe Jesus' experience in the flesh leads Him to have great compassion for His creation.

In His love for us, He reveals only what we can handle without falling into the trap of our flesh.  His priority is that we trust Him, and sometimes that means we walk in life without having all the details figured out.

I speak of this as one who wrestles with such things.  I’m a learner by nature.  I love to learn. . . just to learn!  But when my son was born, I experienced the curse of holding knowledge as an idol.  I was obsessed with what the experts were saying regarding raising children.  This proved to be a tortuous jail as my firstborn clearly had not read the rule book!  I was ignoring the wealth of wisdom already in my own heart!  I replaced the Spirit’s knowledge with the knowledge of man.  Oh how miserable I was!!

One of the most heart-breaking ways we fall into temptation regarding knowledge is judgment.  We think we know what is right and we unrighteously judge ourselves and consequently we judge others.  Women, can I speak directly to us?  We are some of the worst offenders.  In our self-righteousness we can be mean, caddy, and we murder each other with our words.  I say this with great sadness, but christians fall into this temptation regularly.  We learn God’s beautiful spiritual truths, but they are filtered and applied through the flesh.  In our immaturity we deeply hurt ourselves and others.

As we grow and mature, God’s revealed wisdom replaces the world’s knowledge.  Discernment replaces unrighteous judgement.  Our judgement comes from the flesh, but discernment comes from the Spirit.  Discernment allows us to recognize what is from God and let go of the rest.  Discernment allows us to see God in this world and His nature in others.  In this way, our criticism melts into encouragement as we nurture His nature in ourselves and others!!  Women, I believe we are especially designed to nurture, so this comes as a great relief to our soul!  

Have a great day nurturing His nature!

God's Will

Sometimes we think about God’s will as a bullseye.  If you hit it, you are blessed, if not, a lightening bolt for you!  But I’ve come to think about His will as a way, or a flow.  Our God is a living, breathing God, so He is moving constantly in our midst.  We have the opportunity, even obligation, to move and flow with Him.

I like to think about God as a steady moving train.  I can hop on and enjoy the ride, or I can hop off and act independently.  Whether we are acting out some heinous crime or simply doing what we want, we are separated from Him.  This causes the “now” part of judgement.  The separation causes feelings of abandonment, shame, guilt, even stress, worry and anxiety.  Never ignore these feelings!!  They don’t belong in the life of a son or daughter, so please ask God why they are there.  Hop back on the train and enjoy life!

This begs the question, can we miss the God train?  Truly, we can work our way so far from God that His Spirit is no longer able to influence us.  Our hearts become terribly hardened by the influence of the enemy and our experience in this world.  The continual rejection of the Spirit and His work is called blasphemy.  I’d say it is a worthwhile use of this life to seek Him wholeheartedly, allowing His Spirit to soften our heart and create an increasing sensitivity to Him and His Presence.

There was a time in my life where I had worked my way so far from God’s will that all I could see was darkness surrounding me.  The harsh reality of this world was crushing on my shoulders and I could no longer recognize God.  As I looked at all the horrible things going on I questioned God, “Where are You and what are You doing?”  I felt lost.  In my own way I had hit a wall and was forced to the sidelines.  I was faced with the reality of my willfulness.

So many times I have heard well meaning christians say, “I just wish I could see the writing on the wall.”  I think in essence this is the flesh desiring His will to once again be an external law.  When we are young, we are trained by the rules and regulations of our parents or other authority.  We have to learn to submit to these external expectations so we can one day grow into a mature adult, able to conduct ourselves even when the boundaries have been removed.

The same is true with spiritual maturity.  When we are young in faith we innocently follow what we see written in the Bible or what we hear from our spiritual leaders.  As we submit to these external instructions, the Holy Spirit is able to reveal more and more of God’s nature, or His heart.  This causes a transformation from our old hardened self into a new being.  What this means is that our softened heart is able to sense and see God in this world.  Following Him becomes as natural as it once was to follow the way of the world.  

Lets pause for a moment.  If you know you don’t know this intimately or haven’t experienced this, please pray for God to reveal these things to You.  It may take time, maybe even years, but one day Father will cause you to know these things in an intimate, personal way!

When I was willing to allow God to deal with my willful ways, he began to massage my hardened, wounded heart.  As with any hardened muscle, it hurt!  But God’s purposes were for good, and He was willing to let me suffer for a time because there was great joy and freedom on the other side.  He was transforming my thoughts, rewriting 30 years of thinking.  He actually used my anxiety to train me back into His Presence and His will.  Learning to follow His promptings was a bit mechanical at first.  I would get going in my day, doing my thing, and when the anxiety swelled I would stop and submit to God in that moment.  The anxiety was an indication that I wasn’t walking with Him.  I was learning to surrender; learning humility as I submitted to His way continually.  It’s these little things that the Lord uses to teach us to recognize His prompting and to live according to His will.  As we mature, we simply flow in Him, or in other words, in His Spirit.

Every journey is different, but it is important to note that my journey to freedom took 10 years of focused living.  If there is some habit or way of living for which you are asking freedom, it takes patience and perseverance.  But never waver in Your faith that God will fulfill His promises.  Don’t become discouraged or give up!

In His time of fixed order, God is able to quicken us, or get us back up to speed.  Time and time again I have seen God completely “fix” the mess I have made.  Once I truly surrendered my life and my ways, I noticed God sped my maturity to catch up with His train, or where He intended me to be.  He restored my life so nothing was wasted.  

True surrender can only come by the Spirit and is a daily process.  Our mind can say, “I surrender”, but our will can still be engaged and in force.  There is a death that must happen for life to spring forth.  Again, pause and pray that Father would reveal this.

So what is life like on the God train?  Let’s just say the temptation to do the things we know are wrong melts away as we experience a whole new way of living; one filled with the things our soul truly longs for.  When we taste and see for ourselves the Lord is good, our addictions to idols become a thing of the past with increasingly less appeal.  We are focused on and attached to the Spirit of God.  

The God train doesn’t take us out of the world.  We are in the world but not of it.  We still go through valleys and dark forests.  Fear still surrounds us.  But we stay on that train and we pass through; we do not remain in the darkness.  As we continue and increase in faith, we begin to rise above our experience.  This means that while we still encounter difficulty, sadness, loss, evil... these things loose their grip (influence) on us.  We cling to God and believe Him, and experience peace and joy that only He can provide.  At first it may only be in glimpses, but these moments become normal as we live life on His terms.  He reveals more and more of His nature in us, basically this means that He unveils what Jesus has given us the moment we believe in Him.  

Keep on, keep seeking God, my friends!

The Old Man

We have all heard it is better to give than receive.  But as we are doing our acts of giving, do we really perceive His blessing in reality?  Are we feeling God’s affirmation as we are obeying His prompting?

So many times we go into autopilot.  Autopilot.  Our giving becomes automatic, from the self and by oneself.  Our acts are reduced to a mental checklist of good deeds.  It is easy to detect when we are acting out of our own effort when our good will becomes a chore or something we dread.

Giving as Jesus displayed is something that comes from the abundance we receive from God.  Abundance.  So many of us are walking around completely depleted, without the time or energy to truly give.  When we are in need (or needy), our giving becomes selfish and manipulative.  This is a distortion of God’s perspective on sacrifice.

When giving comes by the prompting of the Spirit as opposed to an external standard of behavior, God is able to confirm us in a real and tangible way.  This is when God’s spiritual blessings break through into the reality of this world.  Sometimes this blessing comes in the form of a word.

The other day I got to experience this principle.  I was recovering from doing something I knew to be wrong.  I confessed to God but was caught somewhere in between the realization of my sin and forgiveness.  I was grieving the separation from the Spirit caused by my disobedience.  Instead of wallowing over my sinfulness which is so easy to do, I stepped into repentance.

I pulled into a shopping center I frequent when an old man camped out in front caught my attention.  He was asking for help.  I knew God was prompting me to give to him so I prepared my offering as I was leaving the store.  I positioned the van in front of the man and could sense there was something very different about this situation.  He gradually rose from the camping chair where he was seated and steadily walked toward my van.  Cars began to reroute as this encounter was already taking extra time.

When he reached my van he was rambling about a watch.  We exchanged a few words and he asked if he could take my hand.  I was surprised by how clean his hand felt.  He kissed it and looked me straight in the eye.  He delivered the most beautiful Word from God that healed my heart in an instant.  My eye was drawn toward the silver cross hanging around his neck.  I sincerely thanked him.

As I drove away God’s love enveloped me.  I was so grateful for His confirmation, encouraged to believe the truth about my sin.  By the blood of Christ I am clean.  I’m honestly not sure if the old man was homeless, or an angel.  Either way, God used that man to touch me deep in my heart.

To give or receive?  As I walk more and more in the generous heart God has given me, I’m not sure there is any difference.  When walking in the Spirit, there isn’t any sacrifice, just overflow.  And abundance.  Lots of abundance.

Let’s Talk about THAT

Forgiveness.  I believe the greatest need of the human heart is forgiveness.  Walking in forgiveness is necessary in order to have consistent fellowship with God and others.  Without it we cannot enjoy deep, intimate fellowship with God that both He and we desire.  Without it we become angry and bitter toward others and ultimately toward God.

When I see an angry, bitter person my heart breaks.  Often the pride which causes that person to refuse to forgive is also blinding them to the hardness of their own heart.  Our willingness to forgive those who have offended us is directly connected to our own forgiveness.  Bitterness is a dangerous place to hang out.

I believe deep pain lies behind the denial of forgiveness.  I don’t think a child sets out to be a hardened, judgmental, or abusive person.  I think it is something that is learned- usually though very painful circumstances.

However, life doesn’t have to deal tough cards to store up bitterness in our heart.  Often it is the little things that drive a wedge in our relationship with God, allowing Satan a foothold.  Little things such as unmet expectations, unfairness, or personality friction.    Without proper attention, these footholds turn into strongholds which harden our heart and hurt our relationship with God and others.  Oftentimes the hardness of our own heart is revealed through the things we say when we perceive an offense or injustice. (“Can you believe THAT…”)  Pride also likes to play the victim.  

The lack of forgiveness opens the door to oppression.  Pride follows in the wake of an offense which is not promptly recognized and forgiven.  Pride is tricky.  It is a burden to carry.  It informs us we are right, actually righteous, and the other person should have known better.  Our pride masks the offense; often we don’t even realize we have been offended.  We walk along thinking we are good.  Pride informs us the offense was done to us on purpose, and refuses to recognize the truth about people.  We cannot see people clearly through the lens of pride.  

This is what the enemy loves.  He wants us to be unaware of our heart condition, confused and lost.  This open door becomes a floodgate for tormenting spirits.

We are human and sometimes our human emotions hang around, even after we have decided to forgive.  Walking in forgiveness means when pain arises, when anger swells, when we remember the offense or injustice, we are quick to put it down and turn to the Truth.  When we are walking in humility, the world and it’s folly doesn’t feel so personal.  We keep our eyes focussed on Christ and remember He has forgiven us when we don’t deserve it.  We remember His blood covers all our sins, even the ones we don’t realize or ask for forgiveness.  Remember this when someone who has hurt you doesn’t repent.

May we remember Christ’s ultimate example on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."  Like Jesus, when we live in understanding of human nature and what sin does to us, forgiveness can be a natural response.  We embrace God’s forgiveness and this flows to those around us.  This is only possible through God’s power in us.

Lord I open my heart to you.  Please reveal the darkened areas; I allow you to enter those areas.  Deal with me gently, for that is Your nature.  Massage and soften my heart.  I want to see You and others more clearly.

The People Pleaser

Relationships are a pretty big deal to God.  He created us to be in relationship with one another and especially to be in relationship with Himself.  It makes sense that in addition to trying to destroy us, Satan would go for the jugular regarding our relationships.  He’s constantly trying to stir up strife, to kill, or even to steal our joy in relationships.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel like you are walking on eggshells?  Perhaps you are afraid of offending the person, making them mad, or are just plain afraid of loosing something.  You start thinking things like, if only I were a better friend/employee/spouse.  This thinking says, if I just work harder, do or say such and such, that person will be happy.  If you continue in this way, before you know it (and you probably won’t know it), you become underhanded, manipulative and controlling.  Pride creeps in and you begin to believe you can change the emotions and behavior of the other person through your words or actions.

This spirit is straight from hell.  There is no fear in love.  There is no place for fear in relationship.  In fact, if we allow fear to control what we do and say, we invite those very things into our life!  We inadvertently sow seeds, nurture, and grow fruit of unrighteousness.  Nobody likes to be controlled or manipulated.  The relationship becomes more and more unhealthy, creating more of the very behavior we are trying to avoid!

Satan is like the white elephant in the room.  Because we are spiritual beings, we can feel his presence, we can sense his influence, but no one wants to admit he is there.  It’s only when we quit bowing to the spirit of this world, quit being afraid of people, and start obeying God that Satan HAS to flee!  Some of us are so busy trying to please people, we forget the only true way to please people is through God’s Spirit.  You see, when we obey Father, the whole atmosphere around us changes.  God is able to inhabit us and transform our life.  This affects everyone around us.  The environment becomes right for seeds of righteousness to flourish!

So what does it mean to obey Father?  Does this mean we dig around the Bible and follow certain regulations, lists, and rules?  You know what I mean: read your Bible, pray every day, tithe 10%, don’t have sex outside of marriage, don’t lie, etc. . . This is a great place to start, but don’t stop there!  The Bible is a very good place to get to know God and the Spirit behind His Word.  Again, we are spiritual beings designed to be in relationship with God’s Spirit.  He heals what sin has done to us, and the enmity between us is destroyed.  The law and it’s condemnation looses it’s power over us.  Come out from under the Old Covenant and live in the freedom of the New!  As we continue to turn our heart toward His, we become more and more sensitive to Him.  We sense His leading and begin to follow Him, naturally and habitually.  This type of relationship takes time, patience, focus and discipline.  We say what He says and do what He does in all situations, simply because we know who He is and who we are in Him.  

This doesn’t mean God will “fix” our relationships or that they will be perfect.  In fact, sometimes He breaks certain ones (Matt 10:34-37).  Perhaps we need to come into agreement.  Not everyone will like us and not all relationships are intended by Father.  We may never know all that God has saved us from.  He is a good Father and we can trust His good and perfect will.

Be Perfect

In my last post, Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World, I mentioned that God’s Kingdom isn’t about outside standards and expectations.  Now you may be wondering, what about holiness?  How does that work?  After all, isn’t holiness moral perfection?  If it isn’t about adhering to a list of do’s and don’ts, then what is God asking for?

“Be holy, because I am holy.”

 Everyone knows... nobody is perfect.  How can He demand perfection?

It is helpful to understand that holy is part of God’s nature, it is who He is.  Holiness also interacts with all of His other characteristics.  It’s what makes Him perfectly loving, perfectly forgiving, and perfectly understanding.

“Be holy, because I am holy.”

It is also helpful to understand that holiness is, in essence, conformity to God’s character.  He calls us to be like Him!  You may not be hearing the good news in this, but this is actually a huge relief!!

There are so many different words the Bible uses to explain how this is possible.  I have written that when we believe God for salvation, Jesus takes our judgement and hands us His nature.  Although the Bible talks about this spiritual exchange using many different verbiage, let’s stick with the new nature idea.  We now take part of divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).

Ok, here’s the good news... wait for it...  WE ARE HOLY BECAUSE HE IS HOLY!  We have God’s nature in us by the resurrection of Christ.  This is how God can look at us and call us righteous.  This is how we can come close to a holy God.  This is the reason we can be in a relationship with Him!

Good to know.  How is this good news for us today?  I’m so glad you asked!

Instead of trying, failing, trying again, failing again... there is a new way for those who are in Christ.  If we direct all our faculties- all our effort, thoughts, emotions, desires- toward God, He’ll reveal more of Himself in us.  Yes, if we put our energy into getting to know Him, see Him, and recognize Him in this world, we will naturally become more like Him.  As we get to know His heart, our heart becomes more like His.  As we learn to live more and more in His nature, meeting standards and expectations just comes naturally!

The world sets standards and expectations and demands conformity.  There is nothing wrong with standards.  Just as the standards of the Old Testament law are perfect, the standards and expectations in this world are potentially good.  Except when we feel we can’t meet them :(  

What is different for those who follow Christ is that our gaze is not on the standard.  We are focussing on God’s glory in us.  We are focussing on obeying the Holy Spirit.  We are concentrating on learning from God how to do our work.  Reaching the standard is simply a bi-product of who we are rather than an end for our effort.  In this way, a job well done is not measured by reaching the standard, but by our relationship to God.

The difference in perspective causes a change in motivation.  When we are focussed on earthly expectations, we can be self-motivated and relying on ourselves to reach the goal.  This is why it can be so difficult to take when we miss the mark.  Many have feelings of failure, shame and embarrassment.  These feelings are not coming from God, but due to our own pride and expectation.

When our focus is God in all that we do, holiness, excellence, and perfection are just a natural result.  Our expectation relies on God to be holy.  Pursuing holiness is pursuing a relationship with God.  As He reveals his nature and character, we become more like Him.  We naturally live out holiness.  

Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World

Let’s face it, the world’s system is that of external standards, measurement, and judgement.  It’s the way it works.  You either meet the teacher’s benchmarks or you fail the class.  You perform to a certain level or get cut from the team.  You meet your boss’s expectations or get fired.  It’s the way of the world and a system that works pretty well for it.

This worldly system has leached it’s way into the church.  So many see God as a taskmaster, cracking the whip when we aren’t performing to His expectations.  We are driven to do and say because we believe that is what is expected.  We judge mainly because we ourselves feel judged.  We measure others because we feel we are being measured.

God’s Kingdom doesn’t work like the world.  It’s an upside down and inside out way of living.  There isn’t something you can do or say to make Him love or save you.  There isn’t a set of rules to follow or a standard to meet.  You aren’t being measured and can’t get cut from the team.

So how do we live in this world when we are not of it?  When we constant “hear” judgement and condemnation, when we feel we are being measured and told we are unworthy, how do we live out God’s truth?  How do we walk in forgiveness and remain in His love?  How do we live in the world’s system without it damaging our soul?

There’s only one way.  By believing God more than our experience in the world.  When we feel unforgiven, run to God and receive forgiveness.  When we feel unworthy, run to God and receive our worth.  When we feel rejected, run to God and receive His acceptance.  It’s believing Him despite our circumstances, despite what the world is telling us to believe about ourself. 

Great News!

Whether you’ve heard it all your life or are hearing it for the first time, the gospel is a powerful message worthy of our careful attention and devotion.  It is a message we can’t get enough of; one that reveals a little more salvation every time we open our hearts to consume God’s Word.  Our minds are blown and our souls become freer.  Humor me, and let’s marinade together in the greatness of salvation available to all!  

Let’s begin with God.  He is loving, He is compassionate, and He is kind.  When Moses asked God to show him His glory, or His very nature and His heart, God proclaimed in Ex. 34:6, “The Lord! the Lord! a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving-kindness and truth,”

Good news, right?  Oh! what a wonderful God He is, worthy of our praise and worship!

Did you notice the comma?  There is more that God proclaimed about himself!  “Keeping mercy and loving-kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but Who will by no means clear the guilty. . .”  This is where the needle scratches the record and all men are silent.  The law comes forth.  The do’s and don’t’s, the rules and regulations, that thing we hate which makes us all cringe.  The law which so strongly makes sins known and places blame, guilt, judgement and shame.

It’s funny how we are.  We like to make life all about the law.  We obsess about this set of rules, or moral code, and constantly measure ourselves and others.  Some run in disgust, fed up with the guilt and blame they feel.  They think that if they just reject or ignore it, the feelings will go away.  Some embrace the law, and in their own effort “submit” and follow.  Some are really good at being good, yet still live under the judgement of the law. 

Actually, the law has little to do with the gospel.  The law is just there to make us realize we all carry sin.  The law points out our sins, something tangible we can see in reality.  And that is why God set it up!!  He wants us to see what He sees!  We all do bad things because it is our nature.  I write a lot about the flesh and this is what I’m talking about: everything in us that goes against the very nature of God.  There is absolutely nothing we can do about that, it’s been here since Adam and it’s here to stay until the end.

But there’s good news.

When we walk in our natural way, cross-grained against the nature of God, there is friction which causes a separation between us and God.  Think about when someone is offended.  There is a withdrawal and separation between friends because the offense is hanging in the middle.  Same thing with God.  He is holy and just.  We can’t go near him in our condition, in our old nature.

Ok, so here’s the good news.  “For God so loved the world He gave His only son, that who so ever believes in Him shall have eternal life.” John 3:16.

God sent Jesus to die for us.  Jesus takes the burden of our sins and crucifies it on the cross.  What do I mean by burden?  All that judgement, shame, guilt. . . yeah, that stuff that makes us so angry and offended by the law.  It’s gone.

I like that, sounds like good news, right?

Truly we are forgiven, but we still have a problem.  We still carry our old nature, or our flesh.  We see it daily when we do things we believe to be wrong.

Here’s where the great exchange takes place.  Not only did Jesus die on the cross and pay the price of our judgement, but God raised Him from the grave, giving us His life.  Jesus takes the weight of our sins and hands us His nature in exchange.  

I think this sounds like GREAT news!

We take on the the very nature of God when we believe Him for salvation.  This is eternal life, or new life in Christ.  We now have Jesus’s nature, and we can walk by God’s side.  When God looks at us, He sees His Son.  He’s looking at our new nature.

As plain and simple as it sounds, many of us haven’t even realized our new nature.  We talk about living in Him, or walking by the Spirit, but haven’t seen or experienced what that looks like in the reality of our own lives.  We need to learn to do life out of our renewed spirit, our new life, or in our new nature.  Through learning to walk by the Spirit, we learn how to come into relationship with God and do life with Him.

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” 

(Gal. 5:16)

While we can read all day about the differences of the old and new nature, the truth is everyone has to experience it for themselves.

Just like Moses, we can ask God to show us His glory.  Once we get to know the very heart of God, everything opposed to it becomes clear.  We begin to distinguish that which comes from our flesh.  Paul writes in 1 Cor. 15:31, “I die daily.”  What this means is that Paul identifies what is not from God in himself and practices turning from it daily.  It means lying down our pride, our knowledge, our rights, and believing God.

I hope you join me in pursuing this great news in the reality of our own life!

I Am That Friend

I believe God has put a beautiful, innate desire in all of us to be known, understood, and loved; to move through life with a companion. In His love He gives us wonderful earthly solutions for our comfort and enjoyment, however, He has made us especially to do life with Himself! Just like in the garden, God intends for us to walk with him. He wants to be with us, to help us, and to be our friend. He has always desired this kind of relationship with His creation, and He has given us His Spirit in order to accomplish this.

So often, may I even dare say usually, we believe people are the solution to this innate need. We look for a friend or spouse or some other relationship to be our everything. While these people can be a great source of temporary happiness and comfort, it doesn't take long for the newly married wife or husband to realize fulfillment isn't found in marriage.  All it takes is the disappointment and heartbreak of one broken friendship to cause us to realize friends aren't the ultimate answer to this desire either.  

For me it was my friendships.  I have a great appreciation for friends and seek deep, meaningful relationships.  I was also carrying loneliness at that time, which caused me to have an inexplicable desire for a full-time buddy.  I quickly understood I could not expect my husband to fill this role, so I set my sights on the mythological idea of a best friend that our culture pushes.  As I searched for this person, God gently warned me not to seek idols, that what I was looking for was Him.  My response was, "Yeah, I know, I know.  But I need someone here, this is essential to my happiness."

So He let me go.  In His love for me he allowed me to pursue a friendship with a woman that I thought was my everything.  We talked daily and our children became good friends.  For two years I enjoyed her friendship and enjoyed hanging out with her friends while our children played.  Life was perfect.  Almost.  The relationship was riddled with fear of loss and was hard work to maintain.  I became confused about my priorities.  I was allowing her to control me, acting to please her instead of God.  I had troubles speaking the truth because I was afraid she would be offended.  I did all I could to ensure the relationship was unharmed, which actually caused it to become increasingly unhealthy.

Then it happened.  God was calling me into closer relationship with Him and I could no longer ignore Him.  He called me to speak the truth in love to her; I couldn't remain silent any longer.  I wasn't being honest with her about who I am.  I lovingly shared my heart.  To my utter disbelief, she hardened her heart and decided we could no longer be friends.  The rejection was crushing.

She was true to her word and did her best to push me out of her life.  She forbade our children from playing, and made it impossible for my daughter to continue to be a part of her group of friends.

In my pain I ran to God.  He embraced me and allowed the hard times to purify me.  He washed my thoughts with His own, replacing the lies I was believing about myself with the truth.  I learned what He meant when He said, "I am that friend you are looking for."  You see, His Spirit is with us all the time.  He's speaking to us regularly, but sometimes the idols in our life cause His voice to be distorted, or even unrecognizable.  My desire for a full-time buddy is fulfilled by Him, it doesn't get any better than Him!  He wants to laugh with us, have a good time, and love us like no one on earth can love us.  He desires to council us through our hard times and to give us insight and wisdom.  He wants to help us in our everyday life.  He wants to work with us.  The key is to put down our agenda and our idols, and listen.  If we obey His voice, our lives will rise above our earthly condition- this existence that is riddled with the consequence of sin.  Jesus took sin, and saved us from it's burden.  Jesus tore down the veil between heaven and earth.  Our lives can be the recipient and the conduit for God's Kingdom here and now.  

Is there a relationship that deeply disappoints you? Is there someone that isn't meeting your expectations? Perhaps a friend, a husband, a sister or daughter? Perhaps this is where God wants to break through to you. Perhaps this is the launch pad through which God wants to reveal Himself. Let God speak to you about His desire for relationship in your life.

The Heart of Man

If we understand what is at the core of every man in his flesh, it will help us to understand exactly what it is that God is calling us to turn from.  It is helpful to understand what went wrong in order to better understand our new heart and what we are to do.

This brings us all the way back to the Tree of Knowledge in the garden of Eden.  Have you ever pondered what was so wrong about knowing right from wrong?  It seems to me that wisdom and discernment are some of the most precious gifts we receive from God.  So what went wrong?

Previous to the fall, Adam and Eve got everything they had from God; including all knowledge.  When they took knowledge for their own, it created a struggle within as they could now see for themselves the difference of good from evil.  Their eyes opened, and they acted upon their own knowledge.  In that moment, they became their own god and judged for themselves what was good and what was not good.  Similar to the Israelites demanding Samuel to give them a king, Adam and Eve rejected God as King and Daily Informant because they could see and act upon their knowledge.

This creates a problem for all Christians.  We are consistently challenged by our ability to judge in our flesh what is good and bad.  There is a constant temptation to take what we know and act on our own, without the Spirit of God.  He tells us that His thoughts are not ours, and He wants to inform us of His perspective.  This allows us to turn our own thoughts and desires to meet God’s will.  In the Old Testament, this information would come through a Prophet or the ephod, which was something the Priest wore in order to determine God’s will.  Today we have the Holy Spirit in us to inform us all day long!  This is just like the relationship Adam and Eve had with God before knowledge got in the way.  We have to be careful to receive all wisdom and discernment from Him about our circumstances, and not use our own knowledge to judge ourself and others.  (That was a free side note :)

Ok, let’s look at a man in the Bible to illustrate what this looks like in reality.  Saul was the anointed one to become Israel’s first king.  The Spirit of God came mightily upon Saul, and Samuel instructed him to do whatever he found to be done, and the Lord blessed Him.  God did what He said He would do and brought great deliverance to the Israelites through Saul.  It was a huge triumph for God and Saul in that day.

But pride crept in and tempted Saul to act on what he knew was good and right.  Saul had been instructed by God through Samuel to wait for Samuel in Gilgal.  Saul waited the seven long days.  Fear surrounded him as the humungous Philistine garrison loomed on the battlefield.  The Israelites were terrified and fled.  Against the Word of the Lord, Saul went ahead and made the burnt offering himself.  Right after the offering was made, Samuel arrived and questioned him.  In defense Saul said, “Because I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines were assembled at Michmash, I thought, The Philistines will come down now upon me to Gilgal, and I have not made the supplication to the Lord.  So I forced myself to offer a burnt offering.” (1 Sam 13:11-12)

You know, fear doesn’t sound like such a bad thing until it causes you to run ahead and rely on yourself.  The spirit of fear and pride hang out together.  One encourages the other.  Can you hear Saul’s self justification?  He totally went against the Lord.  He did his own thing based on the knowledge he had about God and what he believed to be right.  In another instance Saul had the guts to say to Samuel that he had “obeyed the voice of the Lord and have gone the way which the Lord sent me.”  Samuel rebuked Saul and said, “Has the Lord as great a delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” (1 Sam 15:22)  In other words, “you make your sacrifices based on your own knowledge and will.  I’m more concerned about you obeying my voice than following any set rules about religion.  I am God, not you.”  This is how knowledge of good and evil causes us to stumble: when knowledge leads us to desire to be like God and judge for ourself.

We would be fools to think we aren’t the same way.  We take what we know about the Bible or what we have been taught and run in our own effort without even consulting God to see if it is His will.  We think we know what is good and instead of waiting on His Spirit, we run ahead and do what we want.  And, if we are being honest with ourself, we shake our fist at God when it doesn’t work out.  Like Saul, we are self-righteous in our own way and will justify our actions, sometimes even with Bible verses.

So what is God looking for?  Enter David... a man after God’s own heart.  When we believe Jesus for our salvation, God gives us a new, soft heart.  This heart is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and can sense His promptings and will naturally obey His will.  David spent years and years leaning into the character of God.  He hung out with God and got to know Him as a friend.  He took his fear to God, and listened for His answer.  He let God inform him about his life and circumstances.  David’s heart became like God’s heart as he followed Him through the bends and turns, ups and downs of life.  One of the things I love about the Psalms is that you hear so many emotions, and you hear how God informs and changes those emotions when David comes to Him.  There may be a couple of Psalms when David pours out his natural, human emotions about his circumstances, but then you have these magnificent Psalms elevating God as Supreme Power.  God takes his fear, disappointment, anger and teaches David to see from His perspective.  The natural response is deep felt, genuine praise and adoration.  God personally touches David’s heart and heals the offense.  In this way, David’s heart remains soft, alive, and responsive to the Holy Spirit.

I don’t know about you, but this sounds like really good news to me.  I like the idea of following God innocently like a sheep follows the shepherd.  Having carried pride and self-righteousness, I can personally attest to the burden it brings.  The yoke of responsibility is so heavy it crushes, whereas the yoke of God is light and delightful.  We still live in the mess of this world, but we see beyond the chaos.  Faith and hope become our driving force, and we are. . . truly happy.  Yes, the yoke of God is one of fulfillment, contentment, and smiles!  :)

My Story

Many of us think we don’t have a noteworthy testimony to share.  Perhaps we never went off the deep end or committed any great “sin” from which Jesus saved us.  However, as we grow in intimacy with Christ, we realize the true depravity of our condition apart from Him.  Our complete inability to save ourselves becomes apparent, and we understand we all have an extraordinary story to tell!

The true nature of sin runs much deeper than any thought, word, or action.  God’s original intention was to do life with us and to have unbroken fellowship.  The picture of the garden before the fall was exactly what He had in mind.  He desires to teach us everyday and to be our personal trainer.  He wants us to be completely dependent on Him for our very lives.  When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge, it represented a rejection of God’s authority, His Lordship, and His right to show them the way to live.  We understand our true sinful condition when we realize we all carry this desire and tendency to live independently.  We can’t be “good” enough to consider ourselves right with God.  It only comes through true surrendering to His Spirit and humility to let Him train us back into unbroken fellowship.

Which brings me to my own story. . . Graduation from High School was the moment of truth in my spiritual life.  I knew God well enough at that time to understand He had called me and had a plan for my life.  Like any child in faith, I didn’t know exactly what that looked like, but I had an inkling He was calling me into His service.  I could also hear the world calling with things like education, security, money, and recognition.  I chose Purdue Engineering to start my life.

Had I remained soft to God’s gentle correction, there would have been no harm done to my spiritual health.  However, I set my mind to my way and met the challenge of engineering with determination.  I heard the statistics of engineer dropouts, and especially women in engineering, and took on the attitude of “Oh yeah, I’ll show you!”  As time progressed, I simply ignored the feeling that something was dying inside.  I hadn’t just missed the mark, I was walking in complete opposition to what God desired for me!  My heart was shriveling, my spiritual life suffocating.

It’s interesting how a shroud of darkness covers us when we choose to go it alone in life.  Confusion, doubt and fear gained entrance and threatened God’s love and peace in my heart.  My path became unclear and I began to wonder where God was and what He was doing.  Fortunately for me, my physical health deteriorated before my heart completely hardened to God’s way for me.  Two and a half years later, my body gave out and completely stopped me.  I was back to square one.

As a result of rejecting God as Lord of my life, I believe He graciously lead me into a spiritual wilderness.  The Lord drew me out of this world and lulled me back into loving relationship with Him.  For a little over ten years, the Lord ministered to and healed my heart as I struggled with anxiety.  He replaced my thoughts with His and taught me to walk in a new way.  He used my anxiety to train me to flow with His Spirit!  Time after time, He addressed my fears and revealed His authority over this world.  He massaged my hardened heart and brought it back to life.  It wasn’t easy, but I promised Him I would allow him access, no matter how much it hurt.

The Lord has been leading me out of the wilderness and into a new life, a life more abundant (John 10:10).  This is a life filled with power from the presence of the Holy Spirit.  It is a life of freedom from the effects of sin and my flesh.  The heavy weight of duty and responsibility is lifting, and I am returning to the carefree child I had once been (Matt. 11:28-30).  This life is full of spiritual fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. . . you get it.  None of this comes from my own effort, it is simply a result of living the life God intended and allowing Him to replace my thoughts with His.  As I become increasingly aware of His presence and guidance, I naturally walk away from my human tendencies like fear, pride, selfishness and judgement.  God’s love, power, and authority pour out of me as I live in Christ, obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and surrender to His way.  This is a life that never stops growing, it is eternal.

I’m not perfect.  My fellowship with God is broken as I am distracted, discouraged, or tempted to do my own thing.  But our God is a loving and forgiving God, and every moment is a new moment.  Because of the cross, I have no past.  Today I choose to bow my head in submission and surrender to God’s authority over my life.  Today I choose life.

“Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts.” (Heb. 3:7-8a)

Sweet Restoration

It is an extraordinarily powerful experience when you see the gospel played out in real life.  The people of Rivers Crossing Community Church (RC3) recently got to witness this first hand.

We all know the story of the pastor who falls.  Busyness takes over, stress sets in, and the spiritual leader finds himself acting fully in the flesh.  Anything can happen.

Such is the story of our incredibly gifted, young, budding, worship leader, Brandon Gilliam.  Brandon has lead many hearts to Jesus as an anointed and talented musician.  Rivers Crossing has enjoyed the fruit of the Spirit pouring through Brandon in original as well as popular worship songs.

No one is impervious to the lies of Satan.  Brandon got busy doing many good things, but in his own strength.  Satan got his foothold and temptation set in.  Brandon made a mistake. He fell.

While the church leadership could have easily slapped Brandon’s wrist and swept the dirt under the rug, what I saw was RC3’s top leaders bowing to the authority of God.  Sometimes following God can flow against our very human nature.  For our lead pastor, it was like letting his own son go. 

Hebrews 4:12 NIV

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

The staff lost a family member and RC3’s people grieved as Brandon was terminated.  Brandon addressed the church in a video testimony, admitting what he had done and submitting to the elders’ discipline.

While it is common for humans to fail, it is not often you see God’s discipline displayed properly in reality.  God disciplines those whom He loves.  He does this for our good, for our salvation and deliverance.  He knows what is best and what will reach the heart of every man.  Because RC3’s leaders understand this, they were able to present the situation in such a way that Brandon and his family were able to stay at our church during this terribly difficult time.  Our people embraced Brandon and loved him through his failure.

Immediately the church started a massive search for a new worship leader.  Four long months RC3’s volunteers lead worship.  The church never skipped a beat.  Volunteer musicians stepped up and filled the gap.

The time came when the new worship leader was to be announced.  To our surprise and delight the lead pastor brought Brandon on stage.  We learned about Brandon’s road to restoration and how church leaders had been feeding into him over the past four months.  Brandon spoke about how the Lord has been dealing with and healing his heart.

Not a soul was untouched when our lead pastor announced Brandon has been fully restored as Worship Director of RC3.  The worship Brandon lead as a response was both powerful and authoritative.  God has indeed restored him.

I cannot communicate in words the power of the gospel in our lives.  My hope is that just hearing this story is stunning.  This is how God desires to work in your life and in mine. 

The Waiting Room

One thing I've begun to do more over the years is to tell my children a time to be ready, usually about 10 minutes before the time we actually need to leave.  It's something I think as moms we do naturally when our families are young.

I started to think about the reasons I do this, besides the fact that between 5 of us someone tends to be running late. Over the years I have grown to understand the children (while they are young and in training) are prone to disobey. It's best if I instruct them to be ready, so that when the time comes we can go!

I believe this is how Father is with us. Sometimes He gives us a vision, or perhaps a promise. Even after we obey, there may be a waiting period. Often as humans we give up on God, abandon our dream, or try to make it happen in our own effort. Perhaps we accuse Him, question whether He is in control or even exists! When we are young in Him, we waver in our faith.

The truth is that learning to wait is crucial to our faith. Not only does it develop the desirous virtue of patience, but there is an intangible gift intrinsically linked to our faith which is developed while waiting. That is hope. As He encourages us and confirms us with tangible proofs, we begin to know without a shadow of doubt that He will do what He has promised to do.

As we believe what God says, not being distracted by what we see and experience on earth, He gives us hope and it builds our faith. Soon we can be like Abraham and never see the fulfillment of the promise on this earth during our lifetime, but never stop believing it to be true.

Live like what God says is true!

Hebrews 6:15-20 Amplified Bible (AMP)
"15 And so it was that he [Abraham], having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained [in the birth of Isaac as a pledge of what was to come] what God had promised him.
16 Men indeed swear by a greater [than themselves], and with them in all disputes the oath taken for confirmation is final [ending strife].
17 Accordingly God also, in His desire to show more convincingly and beyond doubt to those who were to inherit the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose and plan, intervened (mediated) with an oath.
18 This was so that, by two unchangeable things [His promise and His oath] in which it is impossible for God ever to prove false or deceive us, we who have fled [to Him] for refuge might have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before [us].
19 [Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot [a]break down under whoever steps out upon it—a hope] that reaches [b]farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil,
20 Where Jesus has entered in for us [in advance], a Forerunner having become a High Priest forever after the order (with the rank) of Melchizedek."

Not Guilty

Perhaps one of the more difficult things for christians to understand is how God sees us.  I believe this is in part because we see with our eyes what is on the outside, or what the Bible has associated with our flesh.  Yes, it is true, our flesh is riddled with imperfections, weakness, and failures.  I believe this causes many of us to focus on our downfalls, often believing in our hearts we are hopeless sinners, living in our own self-judgement and condemnation.  

However, God is looking in our heart and says we are forgiven. I don’t believe He is distracted by the folly of our flesh.  I believe He is much more patient with (and perhaps less offended by) our immaturities.  He understands we sin, but He doesn’t see His children as sinners.  He’s looking at our new nature, given to us by the Holy Spirit.  He says there now is no condemnation in Christ.   Because of the blood of the Lamb, we are in right standing with God, and His judgement passes over us.

He deals with us in love, disciplining us so that we can experience a true, eternal life.  Every time we choose to value something that He says is valuable, our life begins to take on an eternal quality.  This is a life-long process as we are continually moving closer in relationship to Him.

The next time we utter the words, “I feel guilty,” it is well worth the time it takes to ask God why that is.  Has my heart hardened to God’s way for my life, or is that feeling coming from lies originating in my flesh?  Let’s not let judgement from this world, from our flesh, or from Satan rob us of our joy today.

Party Hearty!

I think one of the pervasive lies Satan uses in our culture is, "you're missing out on life." It drives us to pack our schedule beyond capacity. It drives us to schedule our children to a point where it hurts their ability to do well in those very activities. Coupled with fear this lie destroys our life.

If we focus on God, asking Him what we should do, it builds our true life. In God's Kingdom, if we focus on what God would have us focus, we have life more abundant. Less is more.

It starts this very moment, with the little choices. As He trains us, we learn how to honor Him with the big decisions. This is a process which builds over time. It is a lifestyle of obeying God. It is marked by submission and humility. When we ask God, we must ask with the intention of obeying, even if we don't like the response.

As we think about this busy season of celebration, let's keep in mind that God loves to party! He even commands it in the Bible! :)   If we really want to enjoy Christmas to the fullest, we need to learn to party with God.

Are you tired and worn out from empty "rituals", or a crazy "to-do" list for the holiday? Come to Jesus, and party like the Rock Star!

A Dog's Tale

I have a story to tell.  It is about love, loss and God’s providence.  It all begins on Jan. 17, 2006. . .

Lucy was born.  A beautiful blue Weimaraner, she was the runt of the litter.  Fearsome and strong, she made herself known to all who could hear.  She was born to love.  She loved to have fun; she loved people; she loved attention.  We took her home around 5 or 6 weeks and she cried all the way.  She cried all night long and she cried any moment she was not in our arms.  She had a will stronger than any.  We battled her night and day, trying our best to raise her right.  She had more energy than she knew what to do with, so we ran her hard and long.  In her second year she was my training partner for a marathon.  I needed it just as much as she.

But something wasn't quite right.  She was anxious and hyperactive.  Not only would she bark incessantly, but she would panic when I left.  She was so excited she’d forget her manners and accidentally hurt people.  She was discontent.  Had we gone wrong?  Had we failed?  The decision was reached that we could do no more, and she needed to go somewhere she was challenged, somewhere she could be a dog, somewhere she could shine.

The last two weeks were difficult.   I was sad about having to say good-bye.  We had changed her rules and put even more boundaries on her.  Things were peaceful, but could she keep it up?  Was there any possible way she could stay and everyone could be happy?  As I had done continuously through the 2 ½ years of her life, I prayed.  I prayed she could stay.  I prayed she could change.  I prayed we could change.  But most importantly I prayed His will be done.  I was all out of ideas.  One thing was clear: God was telling me I needed to be willing to give Lucy up.  I was reminded of Abraham and Isaac.  I thought my sacrifice was hard?  Through our neighbor Don, I got in contact with a woman in Louisiana.  She was the owner of Lucy’s brother Cooper.  Her name was Cristi and she confirmed everything I said about Lucy.  Her Cooper was the same.  She was an experienced dog owner, she had 4 Weimaraners.  She lived on a farm so she exercised them and took them to agility classes, but Cooper still was a lot of work.  Through our conversations I found peace.  We really had provided a good home for Lucy.  I also realized her good was just as intense as her bad.  She was an incredible dog.

I took pictures of her and we just had fun.  I treasured any happy moment I could with her around.  We swam, we fished, and we walked.  I watched her bounce in the tall grass; I watched her dash up the hill to get a drink of water in the pond and come barreling down.  Boy did I love her.

Then one night after dinner was cleaned up and the children were settled down for stories, I took her out for an evening walk.  She had been in all day so I kept her off the leash.  We got to the bridge and I decided she was doing well and could stay off the leash.  We continued toward the road.  None of the neighbors were out so she stayed close.  Then she saw the dog across the road and started running.  She had never paid any mind to the people across the street before.  I called and realized there was a car coming around the bend.  I called and called.  She paused in the ditch, we thought she’d stop.  The neighbor was calling her dog, unknowingly named Lucy also.  She dashed into the road and the car never saw her.  It just kept going.

I screamed.  The neighbors didn't want to get close for fear she would bite, but the thought never crossed her mind.  She dragged herself to Tracy’s feet and laid on them.  Lori took me home, Don came over to be with the children, and Casey and I hopped in the truck.  We were in a daze.  John and Tracy arranged everything; we just did what we were told.  Lori, a stranger to us, hopped in the back to help me with Lucy.  I cradled Lucy’s head.  She was struggling to get her breath.  She lifted her head straight up and looked long and hard in my eyes.  I knew what needed to be done and we nuzzled our noses.  She knew she was loved and I knew she love me.  I just enjoyed the moment and loved her like I never loved her before.

They took an X-ray and offered emergency surgery.  I longed to be with her and finally they lead us back.  The sight of her broke my heart and I asked them to please put her out of her misery.  It was done.  She stopped laboring and was peaceful.

As I pondered the irony of the whole situation I realized it was not irony.  By God’s divine purpose He beautifully orchestrated the sequence of events that had unfolded.   I reveled in His care and love for His sheep.  I marveled at His wisdom and insight.  He allowed this to happen, but not before preparing us. 

Thank you, Lord, for love, loss and Your providence.

In memory of Lucy.  1/17/06-8/4/08

This is Our God

God gives freely; no strings attached, no expectations of return, no obligation, and definitely guilt-free.  He does this so we can be free to receive.  He wants to lavish us in love without any burden.  In fact, His love and gifts are meant to be a great relief to us.

Have you ever received a gift and felt guilty because you didn’t buy the giver a gift in return?  Or have you ever bought a gift because you felt obligated?  Or have you ever stressed over buying the perfect gift because you are afraid the recipient won’t like it?  What a contrast to God’s model of giving and receiving!  If we are honest, we would admit this way of living leads to disappointment, emptiness and misery.

Remember this: guilt, obligation and fear are nothing but lies when we are living in Christ.  The more we believe and adopt God’s way, the more blessed we feel.  The more we live God’s way, the world’s way looses it’s grip on us and it’s misery melts away.  What an opportunity we have this Christmas to embrace the joyous life available in Jesus Christ!  Let’s ignore the lies and give and receive freely in pure love!

God's Will?

Sometimes people stumble on this idea of doing God's will. It may seem like a bullseye. If you hit it, your are blessed, if not, a lightening bolt for you! Ugh, just thinking about it produces anxiety!

God is so much more concerned about our heart condition than whether or not we are doing His will. He knows that when our heart is aligned with His, everything we do is pleasing to Him!

Consistently laying down our worries and keeping an open heart is the antidote. If our heart is open we know God will gently corral us should we take a wrong turn. Being flexible and sensitive is key.

Lord, I open my heart to You, have your way in me.