I Am That Friend

I believe God has put a beautiful, innate desire in all of us to be known, understood, and loved; to move through life with a companion. In His love He gives us wonderful earthly solutions for our comfort and enjoyment, however, He has made us especially to do life with Himself! Just like in the garden, God intends for us to walk with him. He wants to be with us, to help us, and to be our friend. He has always desired this kind of relationship with His creation, and He has given us His Spirit in order to accomplish this.

So often, may I even dare say usually, we believe people are the solution to this innate need. We look for a friend or spouse or some other relationship to be our everything. While these people can be a great source of temporary happiness and comfort, it doesn't take long for the newly married wife or husband to realize fulfillment isn't found in marriage.  All it takes is the disappointment and heartbreak of one broken friendship to cause us to realize friends aren't the ultimate answer to this desire either.  

For me it was my friendships.  I have a great appreciation for friends and seek deep, meaningful relationships.  I was also carrying loneliness at that time, which caused me to have an inexplicable desire for a full-time buddy.  I quickly understood I could not expect my husband to fill this role, so I set my sights on the mythological idea of a best friend that our culture pushes.  As I searched for this person, God gently warned me not to seek idols, that what I was looking for was Him.  My response was, "Yeah, I know, I know.  But I need someone here, this is essential to my happiness."

So He let me go.  In His love for me he allowed me to pursue a friendship with a woman that I thought was my everything.  We talked daily and our children became good friends.  For two years I enjoyed her friendship and enjoyed hanging out with her friends while our children played.  Life was perfect.  Almost.  The relationship was riddled with fear of loss and was hard work to maintain.  I became confused about my priorities.  I was allowing her to control me, acting to please her instead of God.  I had troubles speaking the truth because I was afraid she would be offended.  I did all I could to ensure the relationship was unharmed, which actually caused it to become increasingly unhealthy.

Then it happened.  God was calling me into closer relationship with Him and I could no longer ignore Him.  He called me to speak the truth in love to her; I couldn't remain silent any longer.  I wasn't being honest with her about who I am.  I lovingly shared my heart.  To my utter disbelief, she hardened her heart and decided we could no longer be friends.  The rejection was crushing.

She was true to her word and did her best to push me out of her life.  She forbade our children from playing, and made it impossible for my daughter to continue to be a part of her group of friends.

In my pain I ran to God.  He embraced me and allowed the hard times to purify me.  He washed my thoughts with His own, replacing the lies I was believing about myself with the truth.  I learned what He meant when He said, "I am that friend you are looking for."  You see, His Spirit is with us all the time.  He's speaking to us regularly, but sometimes the idols in our life cause His voice to be distorted, or even unrecognizable.  My desire for a full-time buddy is fulfilled by Him, it doesn't get any better than Him!  He wants to laugh with us, have a good time, and love us like no one on earth can love us.  He desires to council us through our hard times and to give us insight and wisdom.  He wants to help us in our everyday life.  He wants to work with us.  The key is to put down our agenda and our idols, and listen.  If we obey His voice, our lives will rise above our earthly condition- this existence that is riddled with the consequence of sin.  Jesus took sin, and saved us from it's burden.  Jesus tore down the veil between heaven and earth.  Our lives can be the recipient and the conduit for God's Kingdom here and now.  

Is there a relationship that deeply disappoints you? Is there someone that isn't meeting your expectations? Perhaps a friend, a husband, a sister or daughter? Perhaps this is where God wants to break through to you. Perhaps this is the launch pad through which God wants to reveal Himself. Let God speak to you about His desire for relationship in your life.

The Heart of Man

If we understand what is at the core of every man in his flesh, it will help us to understand exactly what it is that God is calling us to turn from.  It is helpful to understand what went wrong in order to better understand our new heart and what we are to do.

This brings us all the way back to the Tree of Knowledge in the garden of Eden.  Have you ever pondered what was so wrong about knowing right from wrong?  It seems to me that wisdom and discernment are some of the most precious gifts we receive from God.  So what went wrong?

Previous to the fall, Adam and Eve got everything they had from God; including all knowledge.  When they took knowledge for their own, it created a struggle within as they could now see for themselves the difference of good from evil.  Their eyes opened, and they acted upon their own knowledge.  In that moment, they became their own god and judged for themselves what was good and what was not good.  Similar to the Israelites demanding Samuel to give them a king, Adam and Eve rejected God as King and Daily Informant because they could see and act upon their knowledge.

This creates a problem for all Christians.  We are consistently challenged by our ability to judge in our flesh what is good and bad.  There is a constant temptation to take what we know and act on our own, without the Spirit of God.  He tells us that His thoughts are not ours, and He wants to inform us of His perspective.  This allows us to turn our own thoughts and desires to meet God’s will.  In the Old Testament, this information would come through a Prophet or the ephod, which was something the Priest wore in order to determine God’s will.  Today we have the Holy Spirit in us to inform us all day long!  This is just like the relationship Adam and Eve had with God before knowledge got in the way.  We have to be careful to receive all wisdom and discernment from Him about our circumstances, and not use our own knowledge to judge ourself and others.  (That was a free side note :)

Ok, let’s look at a man in the Bible to illustrate what this looks like in reality.  Saul was the anointed one to become Israel’s first king.  The Spirit of God came mightily upon Saul, and Samuel instructed him to do whatever he found to be done, and the Lord blessed Him.  God did what He said He would do and brought great deliverance to the Israelites through Saul.  It was a huge triumph for God and Saul in that day.

But pride crept in and tempted Saul to act on what he knew was good and right.  Saul had been instructed by God through Samuel to wait for Samuel in Gilgal.  Saul waited the seven long days.  Fear surrounded him as the humungous Philistine garrison loomed on the battlefield.  The Israelites were terrified and fled.  Against the Word of the Lord, Saul went ahead and made the burnt offering himself.  Right after the offering was made, Samuel arrived and questioned him.  In defense Saul said, “Because I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines were assembled at Michmash, I thought, The Philistines will come down now upon me to Gilgal, and I have not made the supplication to the Lord.  So I forced myself to offer a burnt offering.” (1 Sam 13:11-12)

You know, fear doesn’t sound like such a bad thing until it causes you to run ahead and rely on yourself.  The spirit of fear and pride hang out together.  One encourages the other.  Can you hear Saul’s self justification?  He totally went against the Lord.  He did his own thing based on the knowledge he had about God and what he believed to be right.  In another instance Saul had the guts to say to Samuel that he had “obeyed the voice of the Lord and have gone the way which the Lord sent me.”  Samuel rebuked Saul and said, “Has the Lord as great a delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” (1 Sam 15:22)  In other words, “you make your sacrifices based on your own knowledge and will.  I’m more concerned about you obeying my voice than following any set rules about religion.  I am God, not you.”  This is how knowledge of good and evil causes us to stumble: when knowledge leads us to desire to be like God and judge for ourself.

We would be fools to think we aren’t the same way.  We take what we know about the Bible or what we have been taught and run in our own effort without even consulting God to see if it is His will.  We think we know what is good and instead of waiting on His Spirit, we run ahead and do what we want.  And, if we are being honest with ourself, we shake our fist at God when it doesn’t work out.  Like Saul, we are self-righteous in our own way and will justify our actions, sometimes even with Bible verses.

So what is God looking for?  Enter David... a man after God’s own heart.  When we believe Jesus for our salvation, God gives us a new, soft heart.  This heart is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and can sense His promptings and will naturally obey His will.  David spent years and years leaning into the character of God.  He hung out with God and got to know Him as a friend.  He took his fear to God, and listened for His answer.  He let God inform him about his life and circumstances.  David’s heart became like God’s heart as he followed Him through the bends and turns, ups and downs of life.  One of the things I love about the Psalms is that you hear so many emotions, and you hear how God informs and changes those emotions when David comes to Him.  There may be a couple of Psalms when David pours out his natural, human emotions about his circumstances, but then you have these magnificent Psalms elevating God as Supreme Power.  God takes his fear, disappointment, anger and teaches David to see from His perspective.  The natural response is deep felt, genuine praise and adoration.  God personally touches David’s heart and heals the offense.  In this way, David’s heart remains soft, alive, and responsive to the Holy Spirit.

I don’t know about you, but this sounds like really good news to me.  I like the idea of following God innocently like a sheep follows the shepherd.  Having carried pride and self-righteousness, I can personally attest to the burden it brings.  The yoke of responsibility is so heavy it crushes, whereas the yoke of God is light and delightful.  We still live in the mess of this world, but we see beyond the chaos.  Faith and hope become our driving force, and we are. . . truly happy.  Yes, the yoke of God is one of fulfillment, contentment, and smiles!  :)

My Story

Many of us think we don’t have a noteworthy testimony to share.  Perhaps we never went off the deep end or committed any great “sin” from which Jesus saved us.  However, as we grow in intimacy with Christ, we realize the true depravity of our condition apart from Him.  Our complete inability to save ourselves becomes apparent, and we understand we all have an extraordinary story to tell!

The true nature of sin runs much deeper than any thought, word, or action.  God’s original intention was to do life with us and to have unbroken fellowship.  The picture of the garden before the fall was exactly what He had in mind.  He desires to teach us everyday and to be our personal trainer.  He wants us to be completely dependent on Him for our very lives.  When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge, it represented a rejection of God’s authority, His Lordship, and His right to show them the way to live.  We understand our true sinful condition when we realize we all carry this desire and tendency to live independently.  We can’t be “good” enough to consider ourselves right with God.  It only comes through true surrendering to His Spirit and humility to let Him train us back into unbroken fellowship.

Which brings me to my own story. . . Graduation from High School was the moment of truth in my spiritual life.  I knew God well enough at that time to understand He had called me and had a plan for my life.  Like any child in faith, I didn’t know exactly what that looked like, but I had an inkling He was calling me into His service.  I could also hear the world calling with things like education, security, money, and recognition.  I chose Purdue Engineering to start my life.

Had I remained soft to God’s gentle correction, there would have been no harm done to my spiritual health.  However, I set my mind to my way and met the challenge of engineering with determination.  I heard the statistics of engineer dropouts, and especially women in engineering, and took on the attitude of “Oh yeah, I’ll show you!”  As time progressed, I simply ignored the feeling that something was dying inside.  I hadn’t just missed the mark, I was walking in complete opposition to what God desired for me!  My heart was shriveling, my spiritual life suffocating.

It’s interesting how a shroud of darkness covers us when we choose to go it alone in life.  Confusion, doubt and fear gained entrance and threatened God’s love and peace in my heart.  My path became unclear and I began to wonder where God was and what He was doing.  Fortunately for me, my physical health deteriorated before my heart completely hardened to God’s way for me.  Two and a half years later, my body gave out and completely stopped me.  I was back to square one.

As a result of rejecting God as Lord of my life, I believe He graciously lead me into a spiritual wilderness.  The Lord drew me out of this world and lulled me back into loving relationship with Him.  For a little over ten years, the Lord ministered to and healed my heart as I struggled with anxiety.  He replaced my thoughts with His and taught me to walk in a new way.  He used my anxiety to train me to flow with His Spirit!  Time after time, He addressed my fears and revealed His authority over this world.  He massaged my hardened heart and brought it back to life.  It wasn’t easy, but I promised Him I would allow him access, no matter how much it hurt.

The Lord has been leading me out of the wilderness and into a new life, a life more abundant (John 10:10).  This is a life filled with power from the presence of the Holy Spirit.  It is a life of freedom from the effects of sin and my flesh.  The heavy weight of duty and responsibility is lifting, and I am returning to the carefree child I had once been (Matt. 11:28-30).  This life is full of spiritual fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. . . you get it.  None of this comes from my own effort, it is simply a result of living the life God intended and allowing Him to replace my thoughts with His.  As I become increasingly aware of His presence and guidance, I naturally walk away from my human tendencies like fear, pride, selfishness and judgement.  God’s love, power, and authority pour out of me as I live in Christ, obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and surrender to His way.  This is a life that never stops growing, it is eternal.

I’m not perfect.  My fellowship with God is broken as I am distracted, discouraged, or tempted to do my own thing.  But our God is a loving and forgiving God, and every moment is a new moment.  Because of the cross, I have no past.  Today I choose to bow my head in submission and surrender to God’s authority over my life.  Today I choose life.

“Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts.” (Heb. 3:7-8a)