When the Unimaginable Strikes… At Christmas

The other night my husband and I went to a memorial for a beautiful lady who lost her battle to breast cancer. She was my age. She leaves behind two young girls, ages 4 and 7. Her 39th birthday would have been on Christmas Day. Her mom has breast cancer too, but will continue to live without her.

“Surreal, like an out-of-body experience,” one family friend tried to express. When we spoke to the widower he suddenly stopped and said, “I don’t know anything. . .” and with a distant expression he slowly said, “I just don’t know…”

The grief in the room was indescribable. This was all wrong, beyond our human capacity to process. Truly inconceivable.

I listened and watched as the loving pastors tended to the soul of their flock. These were life-long friends, she was like their own daughter. They gently spoke as one who grieved with them, bearing their burden.

In those moments I realized there are things our humanity cannot handle. Loosing a child, or the untimely death of a spouse or mother, is one of those things. In the natural, we are left to grieve by our own means. We push the pain away, try to replace the gaping hole, or stay in those dark feelings. History has proven many go crazy, or divorce, or addiction soon follows. As the pastor gently encouraged us to grieve well, he pointed the way to grieve in Christ. He reminded us that good grief is to grieve with hope. Good grief is when we allow ourselves to feel the pain, hurt, anger, regret, etc., but hope pulls us through to the other side. Hope brings us to a place of whole healing. Hope leads us to a better place.

We were reminded the loss of a loved one can never be replaced, the hole in our heart remains. My mother-in-law, who lost her daughter, said the second year was even harder than the first. The second year everyone around her moved on, her own life had moved on. Yet the hole remained and she still mourned.

Many of us are grieving this holiday season. The holidays have a way of pushing our sorrow to the surface. And that’s ok, because in Christ we have a supernatural way of dealing. He allows us to grieve well, comforting and healing us, and leaving us better for it. May your grief be good grief.